Less-Than-Five-Minute Makeup Routine, With A Dash Of Millenial Slang

I'm really trying to get into the habit of posting this blog every Friday, but tomorrow I'll be on the road for a good chunk of the day, then I'll be road-tired and road-crabby, so here it is! On Thursday! I hope my college professors are reading this right now. I GOT SOMETHING IN EARLY WHASSUP!! (People still said "whassup" when I was in college.) (I think.)

You know when you have five minutes to get out the door, but you're going to a place where you feel like you should have a little makeup on? This is the case for me more often than not, and not because I don't know how to organize my time, rather because I am unconscionably lazy, and will often leave face-grooming until the last possible second. Is this because I really don't want to wear makeup and feel like everyone should just be okay with my face as is?  Buckle in for my OPINIONS about the body politics of wearing makeup. So here's what's up: first, my less-than-five-minutes makeup routine, then my thoughts on wearing makeup vs. not.

My five minute routine:

If you really really only have five minutes, (because of inertia or because you are simply the president of Give No Fucks, Inc.), you need to prioritize. For me, that's eyes. I have big eyes that I like but pale lashes, so mascara is the first thing I go for.

1. Mascara. Current fave: Michelle Phan. Classic fave: L'Oreal Voluminous

2. Foundation or BB cream. I'm at the age now where evening out my color just looks nice. Because my pale complexion causes me to disappear into the ether, and comparably makes me look sick next to all y'all, I use the very lightest color year-round. Can't stress this enough: GET ONE WITH SPF. Oh, you live in Yellowknife and don't see the sun? How sad for you! GET AN SPF! (No joke though, if you actually live in Yellowknife/Minnesota/Scandinavia, get a lightbox, eh?) Current fave: Lancôme Teint Miracle in ivoire. BB Cream: I haven't found one I love, but that's because I need a little more coverage. I'm using a Pixi primer sample I got in my Ipsy bag, but I don't love it. It's fine as a primer, although I can't even find it on the internet, so maybe it's only visible to me from another dimension. Mysterious!

3. Blush. Fave: Clinique in pink

4. Lipgloss. Kept in each purse. Current fave: Smashbox Reflection High Shine Lip Gloss in bubblegum pink (actually hardly any color).


So there it is. Actually, I just timed that, and it takes me 3 minutes and 41 seconds!


Not everyone's baseline comfort zone is makeup, and I think that's cool. I don't wear it during the day because most of my day is spent homemaking and parenting. I think natural faces are gorgeous, so I will be the last person to advocate for a marathon makeup regimen. The reason I like to put on even a minimal amount if I'm going out is because it makes me look, and therefore behave, in a more present and attentive way. If I've taken even a few minutes in the mirror to shine up, it gets me into a good zone of communication. I want people to get that vibe from me, so I try to spend a few minutes on my face if I'm going out.

In sum: Do your thing.

Next week I'm going to do a post about natural/organic cosmetics and if they're worth the price and effort. Preview: No, not really worth it.

Glam Slam and Day Faces

It's been soooo loooong....

Let me tell you, Astute Readers, I have had quite the winter. I have birth to my second precious girl, Baby JJ, who joins sister Bubbles, though not in the conventional way. Read about Baby J.J. here.

I don't wear makeup on the reg right now...I'm just a person who can't make myself bother if I'm not going anywhere "fancy." Makeup gets applied (usually) for coffee with friends, meetings, school functions, dates, etc. It's freeing for me to be without makeup,  even though (I'll say it) I just like my face better with a little color. I have pale eyelashes and no cheekbones, and a slightly patchy, VERY pale complexion. So hey, a little evening of color on my face is nice when I take the time to do it. Lately, it's a dab of Lancome Teint Miracle (fuller coverage, I like that now), a nice little palate of NYX "Love in Rio" palette, Michelle Phan Clean Volume in Black, whatever blush I grab, which is either a Smashbox bronzer (the only one they have) or a Clinique rose. (Both are fine and I prefer designer blush to drugstore blush, but I don't think either of those are particularly special.) I finish it with this with a clear Smashbox gloss. That routine? WAY TOO MUCH WORK FOR ME. But I like the way it makes me look, and that's worth a lot. What's your day face? Do you change it up, or is it the same every day?

Way back in the mists of time, which was last fall, I wrote that I was going to order the Ipsy Glam Bag. And I DID. And it is FABULOUS. Every month, I get a cute little mini-bag filled with full-size versions of FUNNESS!!! (Use of fake words and lots of exclamation points makes you seem young. I'm sure I'm right about that.)

The November Glam Bag! (colors are tailored to the subscriber) 

I wanted to blog to promote the Glam Bag, because it's a little bundle of happiness at my door every month. Bubbles and I look SO forward to it every month. It always has fun, shiny stuff for her that I can borrow if I need to do a drag show, (in...female drag, I guess) and is customizable to your skin tone and style.

Here ya go:

http://www.ipsy.com/

Ipsy was founded by Michelle Phan, whose mascara came in one of my bags, which is now my favorite mascara. Y'all, you KNOW the right mascara is key. It's also a highly personal choice, dependent on needs and lashes. Anyway, ten clams a month! DO EET.

More reviews coming soon!